Attempt #1:
To whom it may concern:
Life has become unbearable. I’ve tried my hardest to push past all the pain and hurt nestled deep within me but something keeps tugging me into this never ending abyss. As time moves on I fall further and further into this dark hole that is swallowing me whole. For a while I’ve tried to fight against it; but as time passes I realize that the fight isn’t worth it.
Each day is a huge struggle and the tormenting gets worse. Keep in mind that I’ve been dealing with the same nonsense for the past several months. One week things seem to be going smoothly and the next people are making fun of me and putting tator tots and an open carton of chocolate milk into my new hoodie. It’s not like I have friends anymore to help me cope with things. They left for some reason. I have a feeling that my entire life is going to revolve around this vicious cycle. So why not end my troubled and pathetic life? Nothing is worth it and I can’t find joy in anything. My friends avoid me, my sister is one of my tormentors, and the only comfort I have is the bottles of vodka I have hidden in the back of my closet. Drinking offers me an escape from what I feel. It helps me forget everything that’s wrong in my life. Unfortunately it’s only a temporary fix and I’m left with a huge hangover.
No one will miss me when I’m gone except maybe my parents and to them I say this: “Don’t be sad. I’ll see you guys again in the next life. A better, happier life. Don’t feel guilty either, I love you both and I want you to know that you did everything right. This is my decision and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I just want it all to end. Now.”
Attempt #2:
To Whom it May Concern:
You know that rabbit hole Alice falls into in Alice and Wonderland? I’m falling into a similar hole except there’s no bottom. I’m surrounded by bits and pieces of my past I’d rather forget. I see a blur of faces tumbling over one another and blending into one giant nightmare. The songs they sing just as haunting. One kid who I recognize from school silently laughs while a guy I dated tells me everyone hated me and that I was a waste of space and air. You don’t know what it’s like to have only one person stand up for you and that one person is now dead. My parents are among the spectators; and a shiver runs down my spine at their disapproving glares. A bottle of gin floats by me and I reach out desperately trying to grab it. My hand comes away empty and I stare at the bottle in desperation. I reach out again and once more my hand passes through it. Tears spill down my cheeks as I realize that I won’t be drinking my sorrows away tonight. Tonight I will be forced to lie in bed as unwanted feelings come crashing down threatening to suffocate me. I need the alcohol. Alcohol is one of my saviors, it temporarily stops my free fall; a reprieve of sorts. So is the cutting. Except it’s not really “cutting” it’s just a few scratches on my stomach. It’s a safe place where no one but me can see the truth of what I’m trying to deny. With each swipe of my finger on my skin each error and mistake I ever made floods my mind and pours out into each scratch. The pain makes me feel better. It gives me something else to concentrate on.
The pain eventually stops and I’m free falling. My mouth opens into a scream for help but no sound comes out.
Attempt #:
To Who It May Concern:
I’m always tired and I have no motivation for anything. I want to close my eyes and never wake up. I want to feel death’s warm embrace. I can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry but I can’t. The world is a cold, hard place and people will be better off if I’m not in it. Everyone at school says so.
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